Men’s Locker Room Talk

Some men are dogs. They’re the loudest, the most active, the ones women always meet because they never stop trying. They make a noisy commotion and demand your attention. We all know the barking dog on the corner before we see the great, stable, well-composed man walking with focus and determination towards positive responsibility. If you don’t know who you are or what you want, you will succumb to their distraction and end up captivated by their pompous circumstance. My future best man and I were comparing notes over a few bottles of Chimay. A lot of women complain they want a great man, but when a great man comes into their life, they don’t know how to treat him properly. They look for and expect him to be like the men in their past that treated them poorly. So they end up treating him like all of those other assholes that came before. They fail to understand and appreciate the efforts and actions of a good man. Sometimes they’re too busy stuck in their own mind worrying – if, when, and how he’s going to do bad - in essence creating a culture where it encourages men to do bad because that’s the expectation of them. Is it because women constantly see bad men on TV and in movies? Is it the early experiences with young boys who don’t know who they are or what they want? Men often suspect women don’t know how to recognize a good man because they’ve never had one in their life. Well great men do exist, and they’re everywhere. Look past the dogs and you can see them walking around feeling the good they do goes unacknowledged, unappreciated, and overlooked by women. After a horrible personal experience, the best advice I ever received was “don’t take out on the next one what the last one did to you.” That’s difficult when most women seem to judge you based upon the merits of the men who preceded us. We learn to expect and assume the worst about women, sometimes it’s the only way we can protect ourselves, even if that makes us players. When it’s finally over between us, we want you to call us when the next guy is about to make you orgasm because we want that harsh truth so that we can hate you for it and finally move on to someone better. If I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, I’d rather make it a mountain than make it a molehill and have it be a mountain. So where are great men hiding? With their friends and their family. They don’t run around parties looking to pick up women. They are focused with good jobs, building a career, knowing that cars and clothes are material things that lack substance. When they go out, they’re just as suspicious of you as you are of them. They’re building towards positivity, wanting a deeper connection in a serious relationship. They don’t want headaches and they don’t want games. If you’re dating a few different men, having your fun while hoping something great comes along, they won’t meet you because you’re accepting of any male attention that comes your way and dogs are always better at getting your attention. I know this because I’ve lived on both sides of the fence. I’ve been hurt when women have confessed to dating around, not believed me that I wasn’t seeing anyone else, dated me as a distraction from the guy in their bed last week, told me not to worry about the text messages from “Roger from BX” and “Al from BK” at 2 AM while I’m inside her, seen Luis’ text about his missing her kisses while I get her a glass of water after the fact, even been right next to her when the guys are calling to setup first dates. A great friend of mine and I realized it’s better to not care at all. It’s easier, you don’t get hurt, and you end up with more options. I know the correct course of action to build towards is if a woman cannot come at me properly, treating me with respect, care, consideration and is willing to compromise, then she is not deserving of my time, my effort, or my energy. Unfortunately, you get hurt being the nice, good guy. Just look at me. One minute I’m focused on being good and rising about these girls who play games, and the next minute I’m convincing myself it’s better to stop hurting and not care. To negotiate with my boy the next step in the evolution of our friendship however grimey. How we should get with the same chick at the same time and it’s ok if our balls touch. Chances are that girl will end up someone’s wife, maybe even ours, and that hurts even more. But if we do it, it’s because we stopped caring, and that makes all the difference. *Originally posted on Lovemionline.com on March 8, 2010. http://www.lovemionline.com/index.php/RuMANating-Intercourse/dogs-find-good-men.html